We Can't Keep This Up

Posted on Tue Dec 21st, 2021 @ 1:05am by Rear Admiral Jan van Groesbeck & Commander Reginald Hertford

Mission: Episode 2: 18th and Constitution
Location: The Castro, San Francisco
Timeline: Mission Day 9 at 2300

Commander Reginald Hertford had found himself at odds on the couch while he held onto a glass of Sauvignon Blanc while he watched Rear Admirals Duncan Hurro and Jan van Groesbeeck along with Captain Jocelyn Blake in the press gallery. He brought the glass to his lips. This was all during making arrangements for Jan to go off-world to speak with The Gul. A Cardassian Intelligence Officer who had been once his rival. He frowned as he had made his decision, "We can't do this anymore, Jan." He found himself internalizing while he heard the door chime rang.

The Commander had switched into his evening attire, satin pyjama bottoms with a short kimono overtop worn loosely showing some skin. He placed the wine down. It would be Jan with night work. The two men had entered a romantic entanglement since he was promoted to Lieutenant Commander four years ago. The arrangement then had been no strings attached but it as they kept seeing each other, they became closer. Reggie knew that Jan loved him but he wasn't his first love.

Jan was now Director, which placed them into a worse dynamic. The two men would be off world in a few days to meet with The Gul. He knew that Jan was hurting with the loss of his father. His promotion in rank and position would work in Reginald's favour in ending things. Hoping Jan would see the reason.

He froze at the door, You don't have to do this tonight, Reg another voice aired in his head. You should be celebrating this victory for both of you. He didn't feel victorious, he frowned in defeat as he pressed the door interface to open.

Jan entered into his living room as he carried a bottle of chardonnay in hand, "I see you broke out the Sauv Blanc..." Jan leaned in pressing a kiss against Hertford's cheek and then just before a lips one of Reggie's fingers slipped up to stop them from connecting.

"Jan," Reggie froze and turned. He trembled as much as he wanted Jan to kiss him. He slowly walked over to the couch and turned around sitting down as he patted down on the couch next to him, "Please sit down. There's something you and I need to talk about. And... I need to start to finish without any interruptions, please."

Jan frowned and walked over to the couch. He set the bottle of Chardonnay down on the table and sat where Reginald had assigned him a spot, "Talk to me, Reginald. What's up?"

Reginald, stung him. He knew that it was hard for Jan to drop formalities when they were initially together until he decompressed. Today was the busy day. The FNN highlights moved from the new appointments of Homeland Security and Starfleet Intelligence to a new topic of the news day about current fleet movements in the Chalvanna system. A Starfleet Captain Tiberius Grayson was about to speak, "Monitors off."

Jan leaned over wanting to kiss him but paused as he had already been blown off.

"We've been working together since I joined Starfleet Intelligence in '72. I value your mentorship and your consul along the way. Then somehow along the way, we caught each other glimpsing at one another... Then when I divorced Claire. You were there. You were always there," Reggie frowned, "Then on the night of my promotion to LC... we made love that night... we continued this for far too long, Jan. And, I can't do this anymore." He wiped his tears away, "I know we agreed to no strings attached when one night became multiple... and now four years later.. I know now you and I, can never be together. Now more than ever since you've made Director."

Jan frowned, "Could we find another way? How can we not be together?" He stood to his feet while he rubbed the palms of both of his hands over his eyes to wipe the tears away. "Why? Why now? When we are about to go off-world."

"Jan. I'm not done, sit. Now." Reggie spoke firmly pointing his hand on the couch, "Couch. Now."

Jan grabbed at the rank insignia but unable to pin it from his uniform while he sat down. It had become heavier after this conversation. He sunk into the couch and quoted Shakespeare, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown."

"Jan..." Reggie skirted closer to Jan taking his hands into his and placing them on his own lap, "Please look at me while I speak with you so there's no misunderstanding here? Please?"

Jan reopened his eyes they were flushed with tears of sadness and frustration. He looked over at Reggie nodding his head, "Go ahead."

"I am doing this because I love you," Reggie, "I love you too much that I have to release and let you go. I know this isn't what you want to hear but I know you better than anyone. I'm the only one other than a select few that have let them see the real you." He took a deep breathe, "I know how much you love me but I can't come in your way. You are already married to Starfleet Intelligence and to the United Federation of Planets. You've been a career Intelligence Officer for just as long as I've been out of diapers."

"I'm not that old," Jan deflected.

"You are," Reggie chuckled lightly while he longed to kiss him softly on the cheek but bit down on his lower lip, "I can't be your third love. And you're married to your profession and I'm so proud at all that you've accomplished, Jan. You're the Director of Starfleet Intelligence. That being said, you're in public eye more than ever and if it got out that you and I were together, the press would have a field day that you are sleeping with your attache and have for years."

"I don't want to see you hurt. Ever," Reggie began to cry. "I've got to let you go, Jan. And I'll still be there with you tomorrow, like any other day. If you want me reassigned elsewhere I'll happily oblige."

"I do love you," Jan pouted at the brink of tears. He rose to his feet, "I understand. Keep the Chardonnay."

Reggie rose to his feet, "Can I give you a hug?"

"No," Jan shook his head, "It would only make it worse. Are you still coming with me to see the Gul? I will... have to think on this, about your future with Starfleet Intelligence."

"I understand. And I'll still go off world with you."

"Maybe I can get you working for Deputy CinC."

Reggie chuckled while he rose to his feet "Don't, please."

Jan chuckled and lightly nodded his head. He reached out, "I know I said it will make it worse..." He pulled Reggie into his arms kissing him softly on the lips, "Just... needed to taste you... for one last time."

Reggie kissed him back, "Same."

Jan backed away, nodding his head and left